Money Wisdom For the City-Living and Down Bad

Ask Lisa is a monthly column where our in-house psychotherapist, Lisa Pepper-Satkin, answers your most pressing questions.

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Dear Lisa,

I’ve lived in New York for 8 years, working in media (mostly at magazines and agencies). I am ashamed to say I have no system or sense of order around my income. My relationship with money has always been fraught with anxiety and a scarcity mindset. When I get it, I spend it. I’m 31 now and feel embarrassed and a sense of urgency to figure it out. I want to save, I want to feel smart, but I’m feeling pretty stupid in this arena. Where do I begin?

Signed,

Running on Empty

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Dear Running on Empty,

First, pause. You are not bad with money. You just don’t have a system yet. Money stress is rarely about numbers. It’s about fear. Urgency. Old stories. When money comes in and goes right back out, that’s often your nervous system trying to feel safe fast.

Let’s shift this with clarity and self-leadership. Step one: Tell the truth. Write down what you earn. Write down what you spend. No drama. Just data. Leaders face facts.

Step two: My favorite rule of thumb — PYF: Pay Yourself First. No matter what. Before rent. Before dinners out. Before anything. You move money to savings the day it hits your account. Even if it’s small. Even if it feels symbolic. PYF builds self-trust. It says, “Future me matters.” Start with something steady. $25. $50. A percentage. Automate it so you don’t have to rely on willpower.

Step three: Give every dollar a job. Living. Saving. Fun. Investing. Money without a job disappears. And now the deeper layer: What do you believe about money?Is it hard to keep? Does it slip away? Did someone model chaos or fear? Scarcity is a story. Structure is a practice.

You are 31. That’s not late. That’s aware. Start small. Stay consistent. Pay yourself first. You don’t need to feel smart. You need to act aligned. Confidence follows consistent action.