What Do Parasocial Relationships Say About Your Psychology?
This week, Lisa—a licensed therapist with an MA and MFT—offers insight into what lies behind parasocial relationships and how to look underneath the hood of what makes a person more likely to have them.
Published
Ask Lisa is a monthly column where our in-house psychotherapist, Lisa Pepper-Satkin, answers your most pressing questions.
Lisa,
What might make a person prone to parasocial relationships?
Not necessarily with celebrities, but more with people I've met a few times or know _of. Why am I thinking about these people all the time? I find myself imagining interacting with them. Mostly these imagined situations involve these people admiring or desiring me in some type of way, or me becoming friends with them or impressing them._
They even show up in my dreams. I don't like how it feels to be thinking about people I don't know so often. What can cause this and what are some understandings/practices that might help?
-Girl who needs to get offline
Dear Girl,
First, this is common. The brain loves unfinished stories.
If you’ve met someone briefly, or only seen pieces of them, your mind fills in the gaps. It builds a fantasy because there’s space to build one.
Here are a few things that can make someone more prone to this.
- Unmet needs: If you’re not feeling seen, admired, or desired in real life, your brain may create it. Fantasy gives quick relief. It gives validation on demand.
- Dopamine + novelty: New or semi-known people light up curiosity. Your brain likes new. It likes possibility. It likes “what if.”
- Ego repair: Imagining yourself impressing or being desired by them can soothe insecurity. It’s a fast way to feel powerful, wanted, or special.
- Avoidance: Fantasy can be softer than real life. If something in your own world feels stuck, uncertain, or hard, your mind may drift to a cleaner story.
- Old attachment patterns: If admiration or attention felt scarce growing up, your system may still scan for it.
Now, the key part: This isn’t about the people. It’s about the need.
So instead of asking, “Why am I obsessed with them?”
Ask, “What am I getting in this fantasy that I’m not getting in real life?”
Have a question for Lisa? Send it to hi@bylinebyline.com. All questions remain anonymous.
